It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
