you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
