I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize