I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
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He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
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Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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