omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
