We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
