can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
