I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
