Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
