Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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