I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
