I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
