I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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