the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
