i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
