fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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