so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
