y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
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we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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