You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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