This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
