I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
