The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
that's an acceptable place to lick
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
