if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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