I molested 6 butterflies tonight
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
