did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
