Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
NoShamevember. You game?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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