Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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