I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
