that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
