I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
