Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
