okay pat passed out under dana's car
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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