i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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