Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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