R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
