Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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