he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
