Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
