What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I got inside last night via doggy door
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
