my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
honey bunches of taint.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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