Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
