Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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