I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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