New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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