State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
