I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
