apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize