:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We just shotgunned beers for America
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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