It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
