You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
