she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
