The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
