That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
