so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
