hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
