You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
