Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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