someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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