Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
