she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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