I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
