She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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