the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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