Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
