I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
