The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
