Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
