I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
