Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
