I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
