how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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