I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
