have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
